The horses

My neighbor is borrowing my back acre of land to graze 5 horses. It is funny how this worked out. The horses need the grass, and I need the back acre to be tamed a little. They are nice horses, and I have enjoyed watching them. They have only been there since Saturday, but already the neighbor horses came over to get acquainted. The big brown male really started strutting when he saw that the other horses were watching. Head and tail held high, he started prancing back and forth along the fence. And boy was the "girl next door" impressed. In no time at all they were making out. (Nuzzling) I guess he is used to the other girls he normally hangs with. It reminds me of a Beach Boys song. "I got it bad for the new girl at school. The guys are flippin', but I'm playin' it cool..." You have to wonder how cool he was really playin' it.

Kitsch

I am horrified to find out that you can buy an entire string of "Christmas Story" leg lamps. I'm holding out for the blinky eye, bobble head, animatronic, christmas carol singing, four horsemen of the apocalypse light set, which cannot be far behind. Don't ask me for the link!..

Old people apartments

OK, so, last year when I was getting divorced and had to leave the family home, I checked out two apartment buildings in Portsmouth. One was a low income place, and I don't qualify, and the other was an old people place and I was too young. I'm sorry. You have to be 50 to live here. Well now, I'm 50, so I guess I qualify.

Today I was building at the Renn. Center for "Hello Dolly". I spent the day there, and when we were cleaning up, I took a cart we had used for lumber downstairs. The Renn. Center has old people apartments there. I took the cart downstairs and an older (70?) lady was waiting for the 'vator. As I got out she asked me if I was "moving in"? I told her no, and said "I assume you live here", as she had a personal shopping cart full of groceries. She said, "yes, I live in (apartment number)"

I guess I need to find out how much the apartments are. And I need to figure out if the lady with the personal shopping cart and the walker was hitting on me or just being friendly. I'm willing for my dating pool to extend down 20 years. I guess to be fair...

Reading poetry in web pages

This was from Monday, July 30, 2007

When someone
emails me a poem
or a thought
or a cry for help or prayer,
the machinery takes the human emotion
and adds things.

Above the thought,
a banner teases me with an I-pod.
Answer the question,
shoot the rabbit,
throw coconuts at the monkey.

Below the thought,
in spite of the fact
that tears splashed
on the keyboard
as the writer contemplated
life alone,
and things looked bleak,
Yahoo added
'Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?'

In my world
poems sent by a beloved daughter
all end with
'show quoted text'
'reply forward'
Your beloved is not available to chat.

Still, it's all good
if you
can ignore
the static.

Road to Emmaus - King of Athens

I gave blood today. I was driving to the building where I had to get my OU ID card and I detoured into the parking lot of a Catholic church when I saw the blood drive sign. I was hoping that it wouldn't take too long, and it didn't, and I felt good about my noble spirit. (Ha) As I was laying there filling the pint bag, I was looking at a picture. It wasn't very large and it was across the room. It was three men walking down a road covered by green leafy trees. Two men seemed to have stopped in their tracks and were looking at the third man. I recognized what it was intended to be, partly because I was in a church. It was a painting of the very beginning of "The Road to Emmaus", and I was remembering a blog that Rachel wrote about a painting of the very end of that story. I was alone, but for the kind Red Cross people and the others laying in their own chaises. Why was I facing that direction? Why did I go the long way around and drive by there? Was this picture placed for me to see for the sheer joy it brought me? Or was that just a benefit? I would have been content just for the peaceful time of thinking about nothing, but the road to Emmaus burned in my heart at that moment. As I was chatting with the older couple who were helping with the after care, I mentioned, through a mouthful of carrots or delicious sloppy joe, that I really enjoyed being able to look at the road to Emmaus while I was giving. I repeated it twice, but they just looked at me, without understanding. I didn't explain, as the woman had given me that look my maternal grandmother used to give me when she was pretending she had heard the funny thing I said, and I didn't want to embarass her. The red cross nurse said, "I caught that". The name of the church was Christ the King Catholic church. The red cross abbreviates that as "Christ King in Athens".

Hello out there in television land. Myspace.

Interesting things happen every day. Just in case anybody cares and wishes to catch up with me, this is my I'm not mad at all at anyone in the entire world, and life is reasonably good. I'm going to be a grandfather in December. I didn't get a job I applied for. I'm in college taking a couple of classes. I've lost some friends and gained some others. I don't date at all. I just hang out with people. I'll probably be celebate the rest of my life, but that is OK. My TV only gets WOSU. 3 WOSU digital channels and one analog rebroadcast from Portsmouth. I'm thinking of moving to the Columbus area just for the TV signal. I came within one day of buying a house in New Boston. I believe that God stopped me from buying it. God has stopped me from doing stupid things before, but some things, he let me do. It has been a couple of months since I've been in a theater production and I miss it, but I'm probably done with that for awhile. I'm disturbed by the book I'm reading, but only believe part of it. My hat is old, my teeth are gold, my shoe is off, my foot is cold, and now my story is all told. I have the last Lemony Snicket book. I never got a chance to send it off after reading it.

"Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)"

To my knowledge, "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)" was the only 45 record that my Dad ever bought. He heard it on the car radio and drove someplace and bought it for us. And you know he WAS in the Navy during the Korean War. Ah, the mystery of it all. The first record that my Mom owned was Gene Autry singing "Don't Fence Me In".

A college man, once again

So, I'm back in college. But, just for the moment. I'm taking two summer classes (School Law and School Finance) at Ohio University. I did take a graduate level class from the University of North Carolina via a distance learning setup in the 80s, but this is the first time I've actually taken a class on a college campus since 1980. That's 27 years, baby. It was fascinating. Wearin' my blue jeans and sandals I fit right in, just like Marcus in the third Raiders movie. I could have disappeared and never been found, being well versed in all the local customs and languages.

Actually, I'm the proverbial man from Mars. I had no idea where to park, where the classroom building was, and actually, I've yet to be officially accepted as a student, and scheduled in the class. The wheels at OU grind slow, but maybe they grind exceedingly fine. And everyone else knows each other from a couple of years of taking classes together.

But the class was great, and I'm so much a better student than I was in the 1970s. (I'm not drinking to excess, I'm not getting high regularly, and I find it easy to stay awake).

I can't wait for Wednesday.

My Birthday

Current mood: 50ish

So, I hear some honking outside my house this morning, and there is some big green bus out front and Ross Perot is doing some crazy dance to some crazy music. When I went out to ask him to stop and to go away, he tried to force me into the bus, evidently to take me somewhere, but I wrestled him to the ground and managed to get back inside my house, where I called the police. I think I'll eat some waffles now.

The funniest Myspace spam I have ever read. From Brenda/Tracy

Evidently this is part of two notes, one designed for a man and one for a woman. PLEASE NOTE where the author has a sex/name change in the middle of the note. It is where the !!!!!! is. And, btw he/she had me at "hello (handsome)".

Hello handsome
I like your picture and everything you said on your profile is interesting, anyway My name is brenda am from ohio But Presently in africa...am a sales rep in grocery store but i lost my job the Bcos of m late Mom .....That is why am into buying and selling of goods Beside i own a Little store down in africa..am the only child of my parent before i lost them that is why am here looking for a nice man to start a relationship with and i am new on this website and all i am after is just True love. I am looking for someone who is seriously looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with. I know what I want, I am looking for someone to fall in love with and spend the rest of my life with. My hopes and dreams would be for the rest of my life and eternity! Ive learned through life that love is something that should be cherished and should always be treated with care.I have alot of love to offer someone if its the right person cos I have been waiting a woman who i can love and beloved back.I want and need someone who wants to enjoy true love, and cares enough about it to not play games with it. If You are truly serious about finding Your soulmate , then I would love to talk to you !!!!!! I am a God fearing man and I close to him as I should be. I am a simple man looking for someone to share it with!!!!!!
Someone to make me happy all the time.Someone who is serious minded, always happy, nice,caring,lovely,trustworthy,Godly.I mean someone i can be pround to say this is my wife anywhere at anytime.
Let me know more about you if you wouldn't mind.i beleive you have seen my Picture and have also gone through my profile to see what i want.Get back to me if you think you this person that truely has true love, tell me everything about yourself, send me some pictures of yourself and ask me things you would like to know. I will gladly answer you and then we see what God can do cos i believe we cant get anything done on our own only with the power and grace of God.I hope to hear from you soon. you can add me to your yahoo messenger list so that we can chat better over there..My yahoo IM IS(Yahoo IM deleted - MHN)I Will be waiting for ur adding request Or You can right me on my personal email address which is (email address deleted - MHN)


Tracy

Music Man Jr.

Friday night, on the last night of the run, I went to Waverly Junior High School to see their production of "Music Man, Jr." Having just last weekend finished playing "Oliver Hix" in the Fifth Avenue Theater Company's version of "Meredith Willson's The Music Man", I wanted to see and hear what a Junior High version of the show would be like. It was short, for example, the barbershop number, "Sincere" was trimmed by at least 75%. Several songs were missing entirely, but remember that musicals in the 50s were 2 and a half to 3 hours long, and this show was about an hour and 20 minutes. I missed the longer version of the difficult to perform train scene, but I have to say in all ways, that the show exceeded my expectations. The vocals in general were really good. Harold was good, Marion was also, and all the leads had some stage presence. The choreography was missing in a couple of places, but what was there was fun to watch and fit the songs to a tee, especially the parasols during pick-a-little. I know how hard pulling something like that off is. People also do not realize how difficult it is for singers to synch with an instrument track on tape or CD. Conductors are much more forgiving and can cut a measure or vamp if needed. CDs don't do that. The staging was nice, and the stage was surprisingly large. I'm sure that was an extra as the Ohio School Facilities Commission doesn't just build something that nice as a standard measure. There were a couple of things that I didn't like, but I won't criticize anything, because I know that sometimes things happen in staging a show and you don't have time to do anything about it. Well, I will mention one thing that is generic and should hurt nobody's feelings. Marcellus's big dance number, "Shipoopie", was staged pretty far downstage, and he wasn't well lit, and he deserved better, but it was still a great number. I could understand the actors, and there were only a couple of mike issues. Costumes were good. Props and scenery were nice and not in the way. The best $2 I have spent on a live performance in a very long time. I may update this in a bit and add some of this things that amused me about the perfomance. I have to think about it because I wouldn't want anyone to see them and take them as "criticism", even though, that is what I'm doing.

Post play let down / DUNE/ Religion

OK, so Music Man ended on Sunday, we worked at the strike until evening, and then I went home and got sick. Missed two days of work, sicker than I have been in a long time. I went to work yesterday, and went home. I had a couple of things I should have done, but I'm not up to 100% yet. So all I've accomplished this week is catching up on laundry, and watching several DVDs, one of which was DUNE.

Last night the post play let down hit me. I know that it is normal, so it doesn't worry me. I'll be attending two parties this weekend and seeing friends at both and that will help.

And speaking of DUNE, the 2001 miniseries, if memory serves, completely avoids the term "Jihad". The life and religion of the "Fremen" in the story has so much Islam in it, that when I originally read the novel a number of years ago, I had to look several of the arabic words up to find out what they meant. Now we are much more aware of things, and evently afraid to use the word "Jihad", now that most people know what it means.

Science Fiction and Religion have often crossed lines. I haven't read all of the DUNE books, but I know one is called, "God Emperor of Dune", or something like it. Heinlein's "Stranger in a Strange Land", is full of Christian religious images, and was amazingly inflential on me when I was a teenager. Asimov crossed over to write on the Bible, and his questions about the nature of life and existance let to some pretty cool Science Fiction stories. In "Ghostbusters", Gozer asks the boys, "Are you a god?", and Revelation is quoted. Both Science Fiction and Religion deal with hope and the future. Scientology and L.R.Hubbard are another case in point. Mormonism is a religion started by a visitor from space. I think Mary Baker Eddy wrote a Science Fiction Trilogy called "The Centaur Factor", which consisted of "The Centaur Centurian", "Centaur Riders of Precrasator", and "Battlefield Boston". Well, I made that up. But C. S. Lewis, one of the 20th century's greatest religious writers wrote a pretty decent S-F trilogy.

All these worlds are yours except Europa. Attempt no landings there.
For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

I know why people got on ships to come to the new world. It was to keep hope alive even if they died trying to do so.

Blondie, you have betrayed me!

So, I swapped a bunch of CDs out of my car, bringing in Leon Redbone, some Dylan (Blood on the Tracks), and a Blondie greatest hits album. I played the Blondie and the cut "One Way or Another" came on. I had this overwhelming compulsion to buy a Swiffer. I have seen that commercial so many times, but it didn't register at all, until I heard the song in the car. I hate being manipulated.

I lost my wedding ring at the Chinese restaurant

I don't normally wear a wedding ring. This is because I am no longer married. But, I haven't pawned it or sold it, or given it away. The only time I wear it now is when I am on stage playing a married character. Wearing the ring was such a part of me for so many years, that after I put it on for onstage work, I often forget to take it off. Well, a bunch of us were at a Chinese restaurant the other day and I was certain I lost the ring waiting for some takeout. I reported it the next day, but they hadn't seen it and ... The next time I ate there, it showed up in my Moo-goo-gai-pan. I mean, it was in my fortune cookie. I mean, actually, I didn't lose it there.

After walking and scouring the sidewalk inbetween the Chinese place and City Hall, I gave up for the day. I reported it missing at City Hall, too. I also thought it could be in the car.

It wasn't in the car. It was at the bottom of the ice water in the cooler on stage right. It slipped off in the icy water, when I was restocking the water bottles.

So there ya have it. I didn't panic when it was missing, but, I wanted to find it.

As an extra, here is the Kenny Harbolt quote of the day for Saturday. "It should be bigger. It should be redder. And it should be imaginary."

He may have been speaking of Clifford, the big red dog. But he wasn't.

Chapter IV - A New Hope

I made a formal offer on a house in New Boston , Ohio yesterday. If accepted I could be in the house working within a month and actually living in it by June. It needs a good deal of work, some of which I can do, and some of which I will have to learn how to do.

Right now, we are in a final negotiation phase where I will find out what closing costs the credit union is willing to waive or eat.

I know very few people in New Boston, but it is a part of the Portsmouth, Ohio area. New Boston, like most of Southern Ohio, is an economically depressed place, but it has what many towns do not have. It has a WalMart. They are building a new Uber WalMart on the spot where a thriving industry once stood - the New Boston Coke Plant. That will be about 8 minutes from my house. The current WalMart is about 3 minutes.

I have a dream for my house. It will be the grandest house in my small neighborhood. I'll meet the neighbors and never learn their names, always choosing to call them, "old sport" instead. I'll cultivate a rumor that I have a secret past, having once killed a man. I want my house to be an inviting place where everyone is welcome, and parties happen, and people I've never met are invited by mutual friends. The 5 piece orchestra will play, and people can dance the Charleston. In the wee hours of the morning, when the party is over, and only one perpetual guest remains, playing the piano softly, I will stand on my front porch and look out into the distance and the fog for a glimpse of a green light.

I want to go to see a Barbershop Quartet

I think four guys cutting my hair would be really cool. And fast!

Gunsmoke

I find it amazing that Bette Davis was on Gunsmoke. But, she was.

From the Archive - The Goose Code

This is a several year old memo that I "ghost wrote" for a boss the day after I gave him a wedgie, after a year of his annoying me with pokes and other unwelcome contact.

Last Friday in the spirit of Holiday fun, there was an unfortunate "wedgie" incident. I'm not saying I didn't ask for it, because I've been asking for one from the perpetrator for almost a year now, and I had it coming, and I'm not saying I didn't thoroughly deserve and enjoy it.

However, I realize that these things can lead to hurt feelings and lawsuits. Also, people limping around the office on their way to the bathroom for a boxer or brief extraction do not look very professional.

So, I am announcing a policy on inappropriate touching and personal abuse (POITAPA). Some of you may have heard of this kind of policy under the more informal name of a "goose code".

It is not my purpose to outline each and every act that could go on in an office, and this policy will not cover the kind of mutually satisifying voluntary personal touching that Brian K. enjoys with so many of the other staff members and visitors to our facility. What this policy covers is allowable and disallowed unwanted invasions of your person and space by your immediate supervisor or coworkers.

The following activities are considered harmless fun under this policy.

1. Sneaking up by crawling on hands and knees.
2. The light touch on the ear.
3. Blowing in your ear.
4. Feeling your leg.
5. The tummy tickle, smack, snap or slap.
6. The sneak attack hug.

The following activities are strictly forbidden.

1. "Wedgies" and their close relatives including, "power wedgies", "extreme wedgies", "atomic wedgies", "cloakroom wedgies" and the dreaded "melvin".
2. "Swirlys", "Porcelain Shampoos", and the like.
3. Lifting employees off of their feet in order to carry them away someplace.
4. Placing employees in cabinets, drawers or your pocket.
5. "Wet Willies"
6. "Goosings"

Please ask me personally for rulings on any other unwanted personal space invasions. There may be a few I haven't tried or thought of.

Thanks, and Merry Christmas.

NAME WITHELD
COMPANY WITHELD

My fabulous vacation, Hitchcock and Rebecca

I took a 3 day vacation this weekend. I went to see my saintly grey haired mother in West Liberty, OH. We had a good deal of fun together. We watched old Gunsmoke reruns and tried to identify the old character actors. I am amazingly good at picking out people based on their voices, though I did call some incorrectly and totally blank on some others. I did recognize Shani Wallis, because of her voice, though she was affecting a southern drawl, and because she seemed to be wearing a dress stolen from the "Oliver" section of the costume department. We (Mom and I, not Shani and I) took some naps, ate pizza from Michael's pizza in West Liberty, (not affiliated with Michael's pizza in Bellefontaine, OH), and watched a couple of movies. I think I can tell a Gunsmoke from a Bonanza episode with certainty by viewing any 10 seconds of any episode even if I have never seen it and even if it displays none of the stars of either show. Too bad the episode with Festus's evil twin wasn't on.
Mom cooked too. I did a few chores that she had saved up for me when she found I was coming up. There are always lightbulbs burning out, and leaves that collect in the garage. Probably my major accomplishment was destined to be short lived. I spent a couple of hours all told, clearing her totally iced up side steps. Now that the warmer weather is here, most of the snow up there will soon be gone and the steps would have been cleared soon anyway. Such is the nature of work. Organization is temporary. Chaos and entropy will have their way unless restrained. All is vanity and striving after wind, as Solomon put it.
Mom is in her 70s and she had never seen "Rebecca" before. It has only been out since 1940. We watched a little of "Gone With the Wind" prior to "Rebecca" and it is amazing how much Joan Fontaine and Olivia DeHaviland resemble each other. Both play impossibly good women.
Hitchcock's camera work in the boathouse scene is amazingly well done. The camera is a major force in the scene with Olivier and Fontaine. A worse director would have told the story with a flashback. Ah genius!
That was the second Hitchcock movie we watched. On Saturday we saw "To Catch a Thief", and that is a pretty good movie. "Rebecca" is an amazing story, partially because it shows how two people can totally misread each other if they are entertaining the wrong assumptions about each other. I need to add Du Maurier to my reading list.

Stoic vs. Cynic

In case you have forgotten or never knew, my Dad used to say his favorite joke was, "You know what the difference is between a stoic and a cynic? The stoic brings the babies and a cynic is what you wash 'em in." I still think it is funny, and in a few years, I might make it my official favorite joke. But not today.

Attacked at lunch! Circa 1980.

What kind of sandwich is that?
Roast beef. Carl Buddig.
Roast beef? How many slices?
One.
One? My God, man, why don't you just buy meat flavored bread?

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

"When a lovely thing dies, smoke gets in your eyes."

That isn't the right words. But for at least thirty years, I have sung those words or thought them when I'm humming. The Coasters were a little mumbly, or the recording a little fuzzy or maybe my ears were not that good. I've never asked anybody what the words were or looked them up. I've always assumed that I was correct. Recently, I bought a CD of Jerome Kerns songs and listened to a vocalist sing the song and was shocked to find how much better the real words are. What else have I believed that simply isn't true? Bad philosophy? Other mondegreens? Misplaced faith? Bad goals?

"When a lovely flame dies, smoke gets in your eyes."

Haffely, Gaffely, Gaffely, Gonward!

My dreams for the future

I'm currently not married. I would like to be again, but it isn't in the plans.

I don't own a home. I hope to own one within the next year.

I have no pets other than my 7 office cats. I want that to change.

So, in summary, I want a wife and a house, and a dog and a cat, and a church. I'll settle for two girlfriends, one of whom is a crazy astronaut. Now that's living!

The Dog Whisperer

I like dogs and dogs generally like me, but I have never owned a dog. Most dogs are so poorly trained and not disciplined at all, that they are more annoying than noble. A well trained dog is a noble creature. God created dogs for his own reasons. Man bred and trained them to fill a number of niches.

I miss Emmy. Emmy was the cocker spaniel that lived downstairs when I lived in Burlington those six months. I miss her owner, Linda, too. We used to chat quite a bit and even shared the occasional beer on the front stoop. Linda had Emmy trained pretty well, but if you know cocker spaniels they are energetic. Emmy was very submissive, and eager for a belly rub, but she also is a jumper, and if she came out to greet me on my way out to the car, I know I would be going to work with a couple of dusty foot prints on my pants.

I liked Emmy. The jumping up is not a big deal, but it isn't my favorite part about Emmy. It is a flaw. Some dogs have issues that I wouldn't want to deal with. They bite. They destroy things. In the country, packs of semi-feral dogs kill livestock. They have to be destroyed. Or do they?

I been watching a TV program on the National Geographic channel. "The Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan" is a show kind of in the vein of Barbara Woodhouse, ("No Bad Dogs"), Uncle Matty (Matthew Margolis, "Woof! It's a Dog's Life."). Cesar teaches people how to become pack leaders in order to lead their dogs to live happy fulfilled lives. In the show, Cesar takes dogs that most certainly would have to be destroyed and rehabilitates their owners to take calm confident control of the animal before something bad happens. He often uses his young children in training animals and they trust their dad completely. They lay on the ground and let dogs jump over them. They stand there and let dogs bark at them without crying or retreating. They completely trust their dad. Children are not dogs. Nor are dogs children. Cesar wants dogs to be able to live and thrive in their world. I know he wants the same for his children.

Cesar's formula for dogs is exercise, discipline, affection.

What is the formula for raising children? Many parents now use affection, affection, and affection. Some use the occassional method of screaming at them in the supermarket. Always fun for onlookers. How do those kids turn out? Will they be fit to live in a world with other people?

OK. Now, what if God was trying to make me and you fit into a world where other people can live with us without our creating heartache, trouble and sickness for them? What methods would he use on me? What do you want from Him?

Where do your ways and His ways conflict? I want to do no work, have no discipline and receive God's affection, affection, and affection. But, what if love is more than just affection? What if His love requires God to take me into his world through a program of exercise, discipline, and affection? Can I reject the first two, because I don't find them pleasant at the moment?

Cesar enters the world of dogs to become their pack-leader. He exercises them, he disciplines them, and he is affectionate with them. This holistic program leaps from the love that he has for dogs. Of course, Cesar is a man and has never become a dog.

What if God loved people so much that he decided to become a man? What if this God-man experienced God's exercise, discipline, and affection program from the inside? An interesting thought.

What if, there was a pit bull that had already killed two children? Say the dog was scheduled to die by lethal injection in the morning. If Cesar could become a dog, would he become one? Would he go into the cage with the condemned dog, and start to teach him how to be a perfect dog? Would he take his place when the sun came up and the sentence was executed?

(I just saw that my mood said "jealous". Ha. I was looking for joyful. I just corrected that.)

The plastic stars

I sleep in the room with the plastic stars,
Feeling like Abram as I drift off to sleep.

Their light is fading as, unconscious, I lie there.
My bed is too small to roll over in without scooting.

My world is full of plastic glow-in-the-dark spiders,
electric rams and burning bushes that charge while the lights are on,
dying slowly as they give off a quickly failing echo of what they have consumed.
Even now, the stars are burning out.

I could move.
I could sleep on the queen-sized air mattress in the other room.
That would change my view of the heavens,
But seeing nothing hardly seems fair to me,
For even in the pale green stars there is that reminder,
Of soon to be Father Abram
Numbering them,
Giving up,
Finding a promise,
And a new syllable added to his name.

(Come the spring, I'm going camping.)